anxious... excited...

I've been anxious for this cross season since last December.  I am stronger, have more base fitness, have spent some coach-prescribed time during the summer running and yoga-ing... but am I faster?  I have a sweet new ride outfitted with awesome green bar tape, tubulars on new-to-me wheels, a spare bike... but am I faster?   Six cx skills sessions with intervals in the past 15 days, a new flow to my remount, some tweaks to my carries, a couple changes to my uphill dismount... but am I faster? 

Saturday.  Saturday starts cross.  I'm anxious.  Excited.  Can't wait for the cowbells and friends.  The red-line efforts.  The crashing frustration.  The mud (there won't be any mud on Saturday, but I want some mud).  The dewy morning pre-rides.  The trainer warm-ups under a tent with my i-pod.  The night before nerves that often yield baked goods to share.  The bruised right shoulder.  The crisp air that lets us bring the dogs for some hatchback-based socialization.  Did I mention the mud?

How will I tell if I'm faster?  What if everyone else around me is too?  I'll just have to know.  To believe.  To know that I love this crazy endeavor as much as anyone else out there.  That I've put the time in.  And will continue to.  To enjoy the adrenaline rush of a good start or a strong pass.  Appreciate the precision of a good set of barriers, earned through many many preseason repetitions.  Know that even on the worst days, I showed up. 

I'll bring what I have.  Put it out there.  Race smart and hard.  Let the results fall where they may.  It's easy to trap myself into goals that are numbers.  Results.  Upgrades.  Don't ask me what those goals are.  They aren't the ones that matter.

And yes, this is my pre-first-race-of-the-year pep-talk to myself.  Here's hoping it works and I have more fun than ever out there.