Tuesday, July 26, 2011

getting it back

In June, I was sort of to rather sick for nearly 3 weeks.  For three days at the beginning, I just laid on the couch or stared at the wall.  Coach said I couldn't ride until I could walk 15 minutes.  Lyme test came back negative, after they lost it once.  Who knows what I had, but I was struggling to get 1500 calories a day during a time in the year where normally I'm struggling not to inhale everything I see.  I lost 10 pounds in two weeks.  I DNF'd from two races in one weekend.  I didn't get stronger. 

I'm keeping my weight down (sometimes, you should look a gift horse in the mouth!) because it feels good.  But getting my legs back took longer than I expected and I was pissed about it.  Just about two weeks ago, I started to feel pep in my step again.  Two weeks ago we said goodbye to my dog, sending him to puppy heaven if there is such a place and if there isn't, letting him rest forever on a farm in Pennsylvania without the pain of a huge tumor in his head.

Sunday, we raced at Michaux.  That race report will come.  Soon.

In the meantime, here's what I've learned lately.  My emotional well-being directly impacts my marriage and my training.  Whew, there, I said it.  Doesn't matter how tough I was prettending to be.  I think I was really frustrated about the setback in training from being sick and even more overwhelmed dealing with a dying pet.  I took it out on my husband, my coach, my other dog, perhaps most of all, myself.  Some days, I took it out on the bike and got good training in.  Other days, I wound up sitting in the grass on the side of the road, crying about not wanting to ride.  One day, I nearly did that mountain biking even though I was with good friends at one of my favorite places to ride.

I got some of it back at Fair Hill.  Had a good day on the bike where my body didn't revolt.  Got a bit of confidence back.  I've had a few great days on the bike plus a few really crappy ones thrown in since then. 

I don't quite have my edge back for racing.  The "killer instinct".  The feeling of always being chased and chasing.  But I'm getting there.  I trust my body again.  I'm starting to trust my head.  The rest will come.  Which is especially good because cross season is approaching quickly.

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